The Sexuality Trap, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, making love brings enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to very tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, nearness, that site and wellness .
But when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urban locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!