The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .
But when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urbane areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. browse around this site Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!