The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings tremendous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, excitement, nearness, love, and well-being .
When issues occur, those who go to this site fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. Many gay guys desire to discover out from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, look at more info you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!