The Sexuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and nearness .
However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in metropolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to useful content make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!