The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love click to read with someone we are drawn in to incredibly hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our review sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing effective feelings of destination, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .
However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
However, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!