The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, wellness, love, and nearness .
However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon find out here sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!