The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, making love brings tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is these details terrific!" They most likely would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
However, North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it view website is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!