The Sexuality Catch, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to extremely difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and that site involuntary , causing powerful sensations Learn More of tourist attraction, excitement, well-being, love, and nearness .
But when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in urban areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!