The Sex Trap, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love carries enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .
But when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex read here is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!