The Sex Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn here are the findings in to exceptionally hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly advice in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!