The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, wellness, and nearness .
But when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in city locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and special info hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!