The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to incredibly difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, closeness, well-being, and love .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that numerous of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in metropolitan locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Numerous gay males desire to learn from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to company website be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!