The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective sensations of attraction, excitement, closeness, wellness, and love .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in city locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay men want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue basics a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!