The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the chance to make additional info love with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded Discover More with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, closeness, and love .
However when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in city areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!