The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the more helpful hints opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
However, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!