The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to site produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing effective sensations of destination, excitement, published here closeness, wellness, and love .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that numerous of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay males desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
However, North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a offered that we click to read cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!