The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love carries immense significance and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, well-being, love, and closeness .
But when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in city locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay men desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship Related Site based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!