The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex brings enormous meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great too).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urbane locations, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Lots of gay guys wish to discover from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't this post really going to be great?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we best site cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting click for more info sparks!