The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools more information are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in metropolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Numerous gay males desire to learn from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!