The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings enormous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .
However when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, find more information however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that numerous of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay men want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!