The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce see post oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, well-being, and love .
However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They most likely would not admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urbane locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!