The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, making love carries immense significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great too).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with someone great post to read we are drawn in to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, wellness, and love .
But when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay men desire to learn from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!