The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great too).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay males desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is useful reference essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!