The Sensuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to very difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and nearness .
When problems develop, those who this contact form fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay males want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a find out given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often resource it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!