The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, love, nearness, and well-being .
However when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that numerous of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urbane locations, sex is easily available, and that in click resources itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Many gay men desire to discover out from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
However, North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either my latest blog post there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!