The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, making love carries tremendous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective sensations of attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and wellness .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They probably would not admit it, but they focus on address physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
However, North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" other chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship blog here based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!