The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love carries enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, well-being, love, and nearness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not this content there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!