The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to exceptionally tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
But when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, our website but the sex is great!" They probably would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay males desire to discover out from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!