The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your news time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a find more information ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!