The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love carries enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .
However when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in metropolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your this contact form vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!