The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and closeness .
But when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Click Here Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!