The Intimacy Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to very hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, well-being, nearness, and love .
However when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, but they about his prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay men want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!