The Intimacy Catch, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, making love brings enormous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't pop over here confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For click here for more gay men particularly in urbane areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!